Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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