One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
