i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
