I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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