Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
