New invention idea: vibrating tampons
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize