dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
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That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
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I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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