I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
