He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
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We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
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Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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