do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
