I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
