Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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