So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
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tequila makes me forget i have legs
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My penis needs a shock collar
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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