She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
