I don't think brook has ever known best
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
