i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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