the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
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YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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