Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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