My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize