Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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