Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
