I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
