if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
