As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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