bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
im six kinds of drunk right now
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
