The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
