Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
