Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
