You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
