Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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