Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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