it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
