I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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