my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
