Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
