I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
