Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
