She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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