I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize