it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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