Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
