he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
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she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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