True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
