just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
