Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize