he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
