90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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