I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
