I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
