Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
