Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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