the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
