So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
