i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
