I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
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I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
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I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This is my gift to your gina
We had sex on a dog bed..
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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