I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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