I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
