all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
