Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
