i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
