So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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