No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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