wrigley field is MILF paradise
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
