If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
