Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
