i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
