My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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