He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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