Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ugly people sure do ruin things
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I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
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Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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