We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
