Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
