Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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