Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
