life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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