hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
its not stalking. its research.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
