i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
