the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i dont even know how to be here
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
