she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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