I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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