Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
