i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
