Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I could have mohawked her pubes.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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